Common Sense Virus

[Warren Toda]

Attention Canadians:

Stop hoarding toilet paper!

There's no reason to do this other than to p**s off the sane people.

Wouldn't it be nice if a common sense virus spread across the country? Although some people would probably have a natural immunity to it.


While it's important to be informed, don't be mislead by the screaming headlines and the constant reference to numbers. Don't be tricked by the fake urgency created by 24-hour news channels. Don't be fooled by the chaos in a country next to us.

Some (most?) news media have failed in their responsibility to properly frame the coronavirus news. Of course the Internet and social media are useless here and only fan the flames.


Please don't misunderstand the numbers you see on the news. Those numbers are cumulative totals not current totals. Right now, today, in Canada, 0.00045% of the population has the coronavirus (this number allows for people who have recovered). Right now, today, worldwide, about 0.00077% of the population has the virus.

Per 100,000 Canadians:
Being assaulted:		595.0
Home broken into:		438.5
Car stolen:		232.0
Dying from a heart disease:		139.8
Being robbed:		62.0
Winning a free ticket in 649 lottery:		45.8
Dying from influenza/pneumonia:		22.4
Injured falling off a toilet:		10.0
Killed in a car crash:		7.9
Being murdered:		1.0
Catching the coronavirus:		0.26 Updated March 19: 2.03
Catching the virus and then dying:		0.0024 March 19: 0.024

To rephrase the last two:

Odds of you catching the virus:		Close to zero
Odds of you catching the virus and then dying:		Virtually zero

Knowing some numbers should help give perspective – there's no need to panic. Paying attention to the daily news should give a sense of scope or size of the issue. Panic and urgency are very different things. The former is based on fear and the latter is based on the size of the issue, in this case the rate of transmission.

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.

Make no mistake, the coronavirus will continue to spread over the coming months. The virus currently has a worldwide survival rate of at least 95.8% and it's 98.8% in Canada. Driving a car is more dangerous than this virus. Falling over all that toilet paper you're hoarding is more risky than this virus.


If nothing else, the most important takeaway is this:  Stop hoarding toilet paper!




Added March 19: updated some numbers with newer information based on 770 cumulative cases. Yes it went from 210 to 770 in five days. Also added a quote.

[Fred Lum]

is there a source for these stats ? thanks

[Warren Toda]

is there a source for these stats ? thanks

First a correction:

Catching the coronavirus:               0.26 per 100,0000
   should have been
Catching the coronavirus:               0.56 per 100,0000



I've based the numbers on a Canadian population of 38 million and a world population of 7.8 billion.

Numbers of annual murders, crimes, etc. taken from Stats Can and the Toronto Star (can't find the link). Coronavirus info taken from WHO and federal / provincial government. Lottery info from the Ontario Lottery Corporation web site. People falling off toilets taken from US stats and I assumed Canadians are about the same when it comes to toilets.

The cumulative number of Canadian infections has gone up to 249 (as I write this ) but I used an older number of 210 from the CBC.ca. Similarly as of today, the number of worldwide confirmed cases has also increased from 0.00077% to 0.00197%. That still represents a few thousand new infections.

So as of this morning:

          (249 people / 38 million)  x 100,000 = 0.66 per 100,000 Canadians

I'm using "per 100,000" only because it sounds nice.


My point is that there's no reason to panic. The numbers are small and the chances of any individual Canadian getting the virus is almost zero. 

It's like buying a lottery ticket. Millions of people buy 649 tickets yet the odds of winning are virtually zero. The odds of catching coronavirus are lower than winning a lousy free lottery ticket.

Remember back to the SARS outbreak in Toronto 17 years ago. Remember all the tourists and conventions that cancelled coming to the city. Remember the hysteria in the news and people wearing face masks in the street, on transit, in shopping malls, etc. In hindsight, how much of that panic was warranted? Thankfully back then, no one hoarded toilet paper.



Added: In the past 9 hours, the cumulative total has increased to 304 people. So it's now 0.8 per 100,00 Canadians who have or have had the virus.

[Warren Toda]

Another virus thing:

Gas prices are the lowest they've been in 18(?) years - 79¢/litre at a local gas station.

But that doesn't really matter for me because, thanks to the coronavirus, I have nowhere to drive. All my jobs for the next five weeks have been cancelled. The bright side is that I'll have time to drive from store to store looking for $%#! toilet paper.


March 18: 76¢/litre

March 22: 73¢/litre

March 25: 64¢/litre

[Warren Toda]

Since I have time on my hands, from today:


• A Toronto all-news radio station led with: "Today is a day you'll remember for the rest of your life." 
   Why? Because Canada partially closed its borders.

• A radio station east of Toronto ran public service announcements every hour reassuring listeners that it will broadcast only true, well-researched facts and not rumours. It then told people to try live their lives as normally as possible and if things get overwhelming they should seek counseling. Right after this message, the DJ told listeners that if they have a cough or sore throat, they should go into isolation right away.

• The CAA "reached out" (I hate that phrase) to its members saying that they will be washing and disinfecting their trucks more frequently and their roadside service people won't be shaking hands with you. How infectious were their trucks before this?

• My car insurance company reached out – all these people reaching out, don't they know we have a virus going around? – to tell me my car insurance will still work during this difficult time. My cellphone carrier and web host did the same.

• Toronto is suggesting that people stop using public transit and start driving their cars instead. [Insert jokes here.]

• There were a couple of guys in cheap "hazmat" suits spraying "disinfectant" on shopping plaza sidewalks, exterior store walls and on tires of nearby parked cars. They never cleaned the handles of the shopping carts.

• At a few grocery stores I visited today: cereal aisle mostly empty, bread mostly gone. Toilet paper, facial tissues and paper towels totally gone. Frozen food nearly gone. Meat counter almost empty. I've never seen so many grocery shoppers on a Monday afternoon.

My mother told me that during WWII, which was probably a bit more serious than the current coronavirus, there was no hoarding.

• Someone wearing a winter scarf tied around his lower face and a pair of winter gloves while shopping inside a grocery store. Maybe he was just cold?



Why are people panicking so much?

Only 42% of Canadians get a flu shot each year. (This is the 2018-2019 number. Previous years it was 34% of adults under 64 years). If you couldn't be bothered to get a flu shot, do you have any right to be panicked now?

West Nile Virus is an annual threat in Canada and it attacks the same demographic as COVID-19 and there's no cure. Few Canadians bother to think or panic about this virus. West Nile has been infecting people since 2002. Its "best" year was 2003: almost 1,500 people infected.

Ontario's advice about the common flu (from 2014) is the same advice as for COVID-19. Why are people so unaware today?

By the way, the federal government has been running FluWatch since 2007. It has lots of info and graphics about your basic influenza. While COVID-19 is not the flu, people do live the same lives with the same patterns. FluWatch gives you information about the flu after it's happened so you can see exactly what did happen.


Shouldn't news be more than clickbait and emotional headlines?

Stupid reporting today:
   A reporter who spent the day touching stuff
   Someone bought toilet paper to resell online
   How to hang toilet paper

Stupid headlines today:
   Does Canada have enough body bags?
   Schools closed for the year?
   Time is running out
   How to survive isolation
   Bodies Pile Up in Italy
   The Coronavirus Will Destroy the Economy

Coming soon:
   Stylish face masks for the entire family
   Can hand sanitizer be used for foreplay?
   Ten superfoods to fight the virus
   Is it still okay to name your child "Corona" or "Covid"?
   How to make your own toilet paper


One problem with today's news media is that it seems they have no depth. I'm guessing all the experienced journalists and those who have memories stretching back more than four years have been laid off. H2N2, H3N2, SARS, Bird Flu, H1N1, West Nile Virus, Mad Cow Disease, Disco Fever. Ring any bells? Check your library?

The smarter the journalists are, the better off society is. For to a degree, people read the press to inform themselves - and the better the teacher, the better the student body.

I hope news photographers are above all this silliness. The only times to panic are when (i) the gunshots are moving closer to you, (ii) the mob with pitchforks and torches are looking your way, (iii) you can actually see the bone sticking out of your leg, or (iv) the bartender yells "last call!" just as you're sitting down.



The federal government failed today to address the real crisis: the toilet paper shortage. This will affect 100% of Canadians. The coronavirus currently affects/infects 0.0009% of the population. But still wash your hands.




Edit: fixed a bunch of typos and added a quote.

[Warren Toda]

More viral thoughts:

In a pandemic, the first casualty is common sense.

It's been said that lotteries are a tax on the stupid. Is panic a pandemic on the stupid?

A shopper at a store today was wearing a homemade face shield constructed from, what appeared to be, a large plastic water bottle cut open and tied to his head. Panic and fear are caused by the unknown. The unknown can be prevented by, uh, knowing history and the facts.

A newspaper op-ed pretty much got it right when it said that all the shutdowns and closures were NOT due to the virus but rather due to the fear of the virus spreading.



An ounce of hand sanitizer is worth two weeks of isolation.



My car dealer just emailed to say it's encouraging its employees to work from home. So when my car needs an oil change, do I drive to the mechanic's house?

The dealership said it will sell you a new car only over the phone. Really?

The dealer also claimed it will regularly sanitize all cars and its building. This particular dealership hasn't cleaned the carpets or chairs in the customer waiting area in years. But now it's going to be an ISO-level cleanroom?



Maybe I should let my customers know that all my photos will be disinfected. Every pixel sanitized. At no extra change, of course.



Should the Butterfly Effect be renamed the Bat Effect? 



In my daily quest for toilet paper, today I hit the jackpot. A fresh palette of the heavenly paper just arrived at a nearby store. There was a limit of four packages per person and I'm happy to say I bought only two. Instead of giving in to panic, I was considerate of my fellow shopper and bought only what I truly needed.  If you want to use the term "social hero," I won't stop you. 

However the store was also having a half-price sale on chocolate chip cookies. I took as much as I could carry. I'm not proud of this but when it comes to cookies, it's everyone for themselves.

While in the store, I noticed that the condom section was overflowing with product. The store guy said they haven't sold any condoms in three weeks. I'm sure there's a fun pandemic story to be had here.  But if this is indicative of the condom industry, one wonders why condom companies, which also make personal lubricants, don't start making hand sanitizer.



This brings us to the fun portion of the program: 

Top ten pandemic pick-up lines

     10) I've been hoarding toilet paper.

      9) You have an infectious smile.

      8 ) Two weeks of isolation with you would be heaven.

      7) Epidemiology is my middle name.

      6) I'm into S&D: sanitizing and disinfecting.

      5) Wanna share a respirator?

      4) We can spend the night washing each other's hands.

      3) Let's narrow the social distance between my heart and yours.

      2) I'd love to flatten your curves.

      1) Is that a bottle of hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?



As Canada continues its descent toward a complete shutdown:

Everyone is urged to stay home unless you have somewhere to go.

Everyone should work from home except for those who work at places that produce stuff we need.

Canada is closing its borders just as the farming season is about to start. Who's going to replace the migrant farm workers?

Financial compensation is being considered for everyone who loses income during this time. Everyone except one-person businesses like photographers.

Remember that you must continue to pay all your bills on time even if the government just put you out of business.


We're now up to 0.0012% of the population that has been infected. Funny they don't mention those who have recovered.

It's interesting to see how finely balanced our healthcare and, in fact, our entire society is. It doesn't take much to upset the system. Our entire economy is based on consumption and, to be more accurate, on always-increasing consumption. With fewer people working and many businesses closed or at reduced function, there will be less income, less consumption (and less business profits) and less taxes paid to the government. Does this spell doom and gloom?

Our prized healthcare system is, of course, under-funded. It's been said that you can never over-fund healthcare. But now we can see how close to the edge it is. Will we and the government learn anything from this?


Keep washing your hands.



Edit: I blame these difficult times for not being able to spell correctly. But in a pandemic, does spelling even matter?

[Warren Toda]

Who knew that investing in airlines, oil companies, hotels, etc. wasn't where the money was? But hand sanitizer and toilet paper.  As famous investment guru Warren Buffett once said, "People don't always have to travel but they do have to poop." He may have phrased it differently.


Why do we still use toilet paper? If printing newspapers was bad, why not the infinite paper that's flushed into our sewers?  The reason why newspapers are failing is because they missed the boat - they should've printed the news on flushable paper. People would line up to buy each day's edition, first to read then, uh, to flush.

What's more important, self-driving cars or self-wiping toilets?   (I photographed a house in Toronto that had one of these. That homeowner isn't worrying about a toilet paper shortage.)  Self-wiping toilet is another fun pandemic story your news organization should write about.


Aren't you glad you didn't sleep through high school biology?


Free bottle of hand sanitizer with every portrait! Special quarantine rates!


If I see people eating in a restaurant rather than doing take-out, do I call 911? What if I see people gathering in large groups? Is there a special number for the pandemic police? (Go ahead and laugh but this is starting to happen in a country next to us as  "pandemic Patty's" are reporting large groups of people.)


There's a 99.99% chance that the person next to you does not have the virus. Is that good enough for you? The only better odds are for death and taxes.


We've reached the historic moment when "I wouldn't touch him/her with a ten-foot pole" is actually a real thing. It now seems that a social distance of two metres, or six feet, isn't far enough. I'm off to Home Depot – there's going to be a big business opportunity selling ten-foot poles.**



We're now up to 0.0016% of the population that has or has had the virus.

It took Canada about six weeks (from January 25 to around the end of February) to go from 1 to 100 people with the virus. It then took about three weeks (first three weeks of March) to reach 600. This rate is, fortunately, slower than many other countries. Note that increasing rates are expected. It's not ideal but there's still no reason to panic.

Of the 600 people who have or have had the virus, 85% were travelers returning to Canada or close family members of those travelers. Screening and quick testing are working. This is also why all incoming travelers are told to isolate themselves for two weeks.

The only thing for you to be slightly concerned about is that 15% of those with the virus seem to be a result of local, in-Canada, person-to-person transmission. We've all seen that documentary about what happens when a pathogen gets into the wild so we know how this story is going to end.

Never compare what Canada is doing, or not doing, with that of other countries. Never get your emotional cues from other countries or TV.


Go wash your hands.




**Added March 29: I told you so: photo1 and photo2




Edit: added photo links

[David Chidley]

Man oh man, great reading, thanks Warren.   

[Warren Toda]

IS THIS A POSSIBLE CURE FOR THE VIRUS??!!

OMG did you read about this? It's breaking all over the Internet.

They're saying that if you hire a photographer to do your portrait, there's a 99.99% chance you won't catch the virus!

It has something to do with Xenon gas inside their special photography flashes. The light from a flash apparently gives you some sort of immunity.

Photographers have been using "beauty light" and "beauty dishes" for a long time to make people look good. But now they're saying that it's more than just looking beautiful. The bigger the light source, the more the light can gently wash over you. It's as if it's cleansing your entire body!

These photo flashes are filled with a special gas called Xenon. When the light flashes, electricity passes through the gas and creates a full spectrum of light. They even use these lights in science and medicine. It's all documented on Wikipedia so you know it's true.

In the the movie The Andromeda Strain, which is based on a real book about a deadly virus, "exposure to a xenon flash apparatus was used . . . as an antiseptic measure to eliminate all possible bacterial access for persons working in an extreme, ultraclean environment." That's a direct quote from Wikipedia!!

If you don't have a fancy science or medical degree, it means that flashes were used to *prevent* infections!!! OMG!!!

Have you noticed that the world's top politicians don't have the virus? That's because they intentionally get photographed every single day! They've been keeping this secret to themselves so that photographers aren't overwhelmed with business.

Well I'm not waiting any longer, I'm hiring a photographer today!!










Should I have waited for April 1?

[Warren Toda]

More than 5,100 Air Canada flight attendants to be laid off amid massive COVID-19 slowdown (CBC.ca)

Walmart Canada is hiring. We want to immediately hire 10,000 more Associates in our stores and distribution centres. (Walmart.ca)



The next time you're at Walmart, don't be surprised if the store greeter is wearing an Air Canada uniform:

"Thank you for shopping at Walmart.

"If you haven’t already done so, you can stow any large bags at the customer service desk. Please take a shopping cart and make sure young children are safely fastened.

"There are several emergency exits in this store, over there, there and there. Please take a moment to locate the nearest exit to you. If we need to evacuate the store, there will be emergency lighting to guide you to the exit.

"Oxygen and air pressure in this store are continually monitored. In the event of a decompression, oxygen masks are available in aisle 27.

"In the event of an emergency, please assume the bracing position. Lean forward over your shopping cart with your hands firmly on the handle and your elbows against your sides. Ensure your feet are flat on the floor.

"Life vests are in our sports department and are on sale for 30% off.

"We remind you that this is a non-smoking store. Smoking is prohibited in the entire store, including the lavatories. Tampering with, disabling or destroying the lavatory smoke detectors is prohibited by law.

"Once again, thank you for shopping at Walmart and enjoy our sales."

[Warren Toda]

Remember several posts earlier when I said there's no reason to panic? It's now time to panic. Starbucks is closing many of its stores. So please, while you still can, start hoarding Ice Lemon Loaf cake, almond croissants and pumpkin spice bread.


In these dark times, you'd think marijuana sales would be way up. And you'd be right.


Remember when you met a guy in a parking lot late at night, you were buying drugs not hand sanitizer?


According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 is the Year of the Rat. Rat? Come on people, don't you see it?  Rat = Bat. The Year of the Bat   Rat lasts until February 2021 so that's how long this pandemic will last. I'm going to have to buy more toilet paper.

And speaking of the zodiac, why are we wasting so much money on science and healthcare experts? Astrologers predicted this pandemic and economic crash last year. We should've heeded their warning that Jupiter was exiting its sign of Sagittarius and that the impending Pluto-Saturn conjunction would spell disaster. If only we had learned from all the other times astrologers were right.


A local grocery store was putting stickers on the floor, six feet apart, for people to stand on while waiting in the checkout lines. Another store is repeating warnings over its PA system, "Please stay six feet apart." A nearby gas station has used duct tape to mark squares on the floor leading up to the cashier - almost looks like hopscotch.


It's times like this when you realize how much of your life involves non-essential travel.


With the stock market crashing, my RRSP is worth less than my stash of toilet paper.


As a photographer, you know that feeling you get when you're covering a protest and you can sense the anger growing? People's body language starts changing and their actions become more frenzied. You know it's time to back off a bit and not be surrounded on all sides. Should your photo senses should be tingling now? With newspaper references to "wartime conditions", "dire scenario for Ontario hospitals" and "Toronto headed for full lockdown," what are people supposed to think?


Companies that make toilet paper, paper towels, facial tissues, hand sanitizers, cleaning wipes, etc., are now experiencing both their ultimate dream and ultimate nightmare: unlimited demand for their products.


We're being told to avoid public transit and to drive instead. Don't use cloth towels, use paper towels. No reusable cups only plastic. No reusable bags, use only the store's plastic bags.

So during a pandemic, it's f**k the planet. You know Greta Thunberg is mad.


When you're out in public, are you afraid to cough?


As of early this morning, Canada has a cumulative total of 1081 coronavirus cases. We've gone from about 220 to 1081 in just over a week. We've cracked the top 20 countries with a bullet! You youngsters won't know what that means.

While we won't reach the top ten,  currently 0.0029% of the Canadian population has or has had the virus. This is about the same percentage as the world average (0.0030%). Canada's mortality rate is lower: 1.2% compared to a world average of 4.2%.

The virus has spread to at least 176 out of 195(?) countries. Even Greenland has reported cases of the virus. This goes to prove that someone actually lives in Greenland.


Virus spread in Canada has spiked up in the past week. Obviously not all of us are washing their hands properly. Someone is letting the rest of us down and it's going to make all of us look bad in the final report.

I believe it was Mark Twain or Ernest Hemingway or someone else who said, "It take a virus to raise a community."


If this coronavirus lasts another year as many expect, will it be socially acceptable to give toilet paper as a Christmas gift?



While out for a morning walk today – it was a brisk, sunny morning with a bright blue sky, a wonderful time to be alive as long as you stay six feet away from everyone else – I saw a line of people waiting outside a drugstore. Being the investigative reporter I am, I went to investigate.

According to word on the street, this store got a shipment of toilet paper. Well you don't have to hit me over the head with a bottle of hand sanitizer, I got in line.

Then I heard a commotion and even faint cheers in the line of ahead of me and it got louder. Out of the store came people with armfuls of toilet paper and a look on their faces like they had just crossed the finish line to win an Olympic gold medal.

But I didn't like my chances because the line was moving slowly.

When I got into the store, I made a beeline for the toilet paper rack. I saw people tearing open shipping boxes and yanking out packages of toilet paper. Oh the humanity!

But the gods were smiling on me today, my friends. I got a 12-roll pack of Royale Velour two-ply. I had crossed the finish line and it felt good.

Kevin was wearing a dark blue, short-sleeve golf shirt bearing the drugstore logo and his name tag. He looked like a high school student working a part-time weekend job. He was telling everyone in the checkout lines to stand six feet apart and reminding cashiers to occasionally wipe down their checkout lane.

Apparently Kevin is our first line of defence against this pandemic. I'm reassured.

When told to distance herself in a checkout lane, a ~70-year-old woman yelled, "I'll stand wherever I want. The customer is always right!"

The cashier looked like she's prepping for open-heart surgery: disposable gown, surgical gloves and mask.

Kevin reminded the cashier not to touch my reusable cloth bag and he offered me a free plastic bag.

Another day in paradise.


PS. Lest you think I'm hoarding toilet paper, all of it was gifted to family members. I felt like Santa Claus.





Thank you very much. I'm here all pandemic. Try the veal and remember to stay six feet away from your waitress.





Added: the federal government site has some neat epidemiological info on its site in case you're a bar graph aficionado. If you do take a peek, you'll see what no news organization has reported: (as I write this) the rate of infection spread has been slowing and the number of new cases per day has been dropping. *BUT* don't put away your hand sanitizer just yet. It's common for virus spread to occur in waves or surges. What we've experienced in the past three weeks may well be just the first wave. New cases can start up anywhere, anytime like a brush fire. Keep washing your hands.

We've had the war on terror, the war on poverty, the war on drugs, the war on cars, the war on cholesterol and the war on people who use big cameras. We may not have won any of those wars but we can win this war on COVID-19. And when we do, you can one day show your grandchildren your battle-scarred bottle of hand sanitizer and tell them:

"Sure I was scared but me and this bottle of Purell had no choice. Our nation was calling and we knew this would be our finest hour. We fought the virus in the airports and on cruise ships. We defended our country no matter the cost. We fought it on the beaches, in the restaurants and bars, in the shopping malls and in the streets. We never surrendered."




(Is it ironic that we've never had a war on war?)

[Warren Toda]

Germany has told its citizens to limit groups to just two people. This proves that two is company but three's a crowd.


I spoke today with friends in Europe. If it's any consolation, they, too, are having problems finding toilet paper. The world is coming to an end and the best humans can do is hoard toilet paper?



The virus has now spread to 186 out of 195(?) countries. Who will be the Last Country Standing. I'd watch that reality show.

What else can be this universal other than climate change? Remember climate change? It's the thing that will wipe out the planet as soon as the pandemic is over.

We interrupt climate change to bring you this important pandemic . . .

. . . and now we return to climate change already in progress.



Quarantine:

Back in the mid-14th century, the Venice government decreed that all arriving ships must wait 40 days before landing. Venice was a major port for trade and travelers. This wait period was to make sure that any pests and diseases (i.e. the epidemic known as the Black Plague or Black Death) on the ship had died off. The Italian word for 40 is quaranta.



Epidemiology:

A few weeks ago, you probably never heard that word before. Today you can almost spell it. Some day you might even know what it means. And it's a real word unlike supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Say it three times: epidemiology epidemiology epidemiology. Notice the natural rhythm in the word. I'm surprised there aren't more songs with the word epidemiology.

In about a year, will be a surge in births due to all the couples currently in isolation together? How many baby girls will be named Epidemi, Epi or Demi?

How many students are now being inspired to be epidemiologists?

On TV news there may soon be an epidemic of epidemiologists discussing epidemiological issues.



Just finished reading "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Covid".



It's nice to see some big hospitals take time from their busy schedules to ask for donations. Do you like what healthcare workers are doing during the pandemic? Then please show your appreciation by sending us some money.

Hospitals always need money but surely those hospitals could've done this in a classier way. Maybe a tip jar in the emergency department?



A news photo from Virginia, USA, showed a grocery store shopper wearing a scuba mask and snorkel. I know a Canadian can top this.


Why are some newspapers talking about what might happen when 10%, 20% or 30% of Canadians get the virus when only 0.004% of Canadians have or have had the virus? We will have major problems long before we even get to 10%.


Remember last century when telecommuting was a silly fad?


A pandemic is a great time to break up with someone, if you were thinking about it.

"I haven't returned any of your calls or texts because my phone was contaminated."

"I don't think we should see each other anymore. It's not you, it's the pandemic. We need to increase our social distance as much as possible for the sake of our country."



When this pandemic is over, we'll know how many office spaces are redundant because employees can work from home. We'll find out how many people really don't need to drive to work. We'll learn how many Starbucks coffees we can live without, how many stores we don't really need, and how much toilet paper we actually need.



In an earlier post I wrote:

If I see people eating in a restaurant rather than doing take-out, do I call 911? . . .

Well guess what's happening in Toronto? Yup, people are calling 911. The city of Toronto put out a press release asking folks to stop calling 911 to report people not complying with pandemic rules. Toronto also had to remind people that the city's outdoor playgrounds are not sanitized.

I hope other cities are smarter than Toronto.



Why are there news stories telling people how to work at home? (Freelance photographers are probably chuckling).

There are other articles on how to prepare for life without a steady paycheque. (Freelancers are laughing).

There are reports on what might happen to your job benefits, paid sick time, employment insurances, etc. (Freelancers are in stitches).

Some cell carriers sent text messages to their customers telling customers to stop phoning the carrier unless it was urgent. It turns out that many people working at home don't know how to connect to the Internet, upload/download files, etc. (Freelancers are rolling on the floor).



Am I in the wrong movie theatre?

Why are some news media and government PR folks using phrases like, "during this extremely difficult time?"

Except for the healthcare industry, it's neither extreme nor difficult in Canada. Ooooh I'm stuck at home with nothing but running water, working toilets, heat and electricity, TV, Internet and lots of businesses that will deliver anything to my door. How will I survive?


Canada now has 3.9 cases per 100,000 people. That's 0.0039% of the population. Worldwide is about 0.0038%. Canada's mortality rate has increased to 1.36%. Worldwide is about 4.4%.


Have your hands ever felt so smooth and silky?





Edit: If I could type and spell properly I'd be an editor.

[Warren Toda]

How humbling is it to know that the minimum wage clerk who stocks the grocery store's condiment aisle is more essential to society than you?


Here in Toronto we're now at Level 3! Level 3!

I don't know what that means or if the levels should go up or down. But Level 3! City politicians are now in the Emergency Operations Centre!  Not sure where that is but I doubt they reopened the city's secret nuclear bunker north of Toronto.


Ontario and Quebec will officially shut down tomorrow. Feel free to hoard and panic at will. My basement bunker will finally pay off and I now get to enjoy my 10-year stockpile of canned beans.


If I were in charge, and I don't know why I'm not, I would:

     • waive all residential electricity and water bills for at least six months.

     • have banks waive all interest charges on personal loans, personal lines of credit and personal credit cards at least until the end of the year.

     • guarantee a minimum income based on people's most recent income tax return:

           - those with a net income of under $35,000 get $2,000 per month tax-free
           - those with a net income of $35,000 to $70,000 get $1,000 per month tax-free
           - those with a net income over $70,000 get thoughts and prayers. Tax-free of course.

     • double all federal and provincial tax credits that are paid out in cash.

     • make airlines, hotels, etc. give 100% cash refunds for cancellations. No vouchers, no future credit, just 100% cash.

Current government plans to offer emergency income do not include freelancers. So far these plans cover only people who are currently on some sort of government assistance or who are laid-off employees.



With a few more careless people, Canada might crack the top 15 countries.  I think only the top eight countries make the playoffs?



This site has some colourful COVID-19 information. It's got maps, charts, and two types of graphs, all in easy to view colours and nice fonts. It's much better than what our government is doing. In dark times like this, one might think our government would invest more money in web design.

If you keep refreshing that page of info, you can watch the numbers go up! This is one of the few sources of info that tracks people who have recovered.



One hundred years ago, 20th-century Millennials were summoned by history. With their blood, sweat and tears, they answered the call and shaped our world for the better.

Today, once again, destiny is calling and 21st-century Millennials are responding. With their iPhones, 5G broadband and 17 Twitter followers, they will answer the call right after they finish posting to Instagram and will shape our world.



With apologies to Mary Schmich:

Ladies and gentlemen in the battle against COVID-19:

Wash your hands.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
hand washing would be it.
The long term benefits of hand washing have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the health and immunity of your youth. Oh never mind.
You will not understand the health and immunity of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you
and how healthy you really were.
But you are not as immune as you imagine.

Don’t panic about the virus.
Or panic but know that panicking is as effective
as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind,
like being laid off due to a pandemic at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that helps you.

Wash your hands.

Don’t stand too close to other people.
Don’t put up with people who stand close to you.

Wash your hands.

Don’t waste your time hoarding toilet paper.
Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind.
The race is long and, in the end, there's plenty of toilet paper.

Remember to always cough into your sleeve and never touch your face.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep a list of take-out restaurants. Throw away your travel brochures.

Wash your hands.

Don’t feel too guilty if you spend your entire isolation watching Netflix.
But the most interesting people I know don't spend all their time online.
Some of the smartest people in the world spend their time reading books.

Get plenty of hand sanitizer.

Be kind to your hands, wash them often.

Maybe you'll find toilet paper, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll find hand sanitizer, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll get face masks
Maybe you'll just give up and hide at home.
Whatever you do, don’t worry too much, or panic either.
Your future is half chance, so is everybody else’s.

Enjoy your Chlorox Disinfecting Wipes.
Use them every place you can.
Don’t be stingy with them and don't flush them down the toilet.
They're the most effective disinfectant you’ll ever own.

Clean, even if you have nothing more than just a bachelor apartment.

Read the news but not on social media.

Do not watch 24-hours news, it will only cause you more panic.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll have extra toilet paper.

Be nice to your siblings. They are your best source for borrowing money
and the only people you can trust to self-isolate with.

Understand that friends should not come but go,
except for immediate family, stay away from everyone.

Work hard to increase the gaps between you and everyone else,
because the older you get, the more susceptible you are to illness unlike when you were young

Stay away from Toronto because of the city shutdown.

Stay away from Vancouver because you might get infected.

Don't travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths:
People will hoard, there will be long lines in stores,
you too will start to worry
and when you do, you’ll wish that if people were smart
they wouldn't hoard toilet paper, they wouldn't panic and you could get on with your life.

Get on with your life

Don’t expect anyone else to look out for you.
Maybe you have a stash of toilet paper.
Maybe you have lots of hand sanitizer.
But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t worry too much about face masks.
By the time a store has them, the pandemic will be over.

Be careful which news outlets you listen to,
but be patient with those who are knowledgeable.
News is a form of education.
Dispensing it is a way of separating fact from rumour,
putting it in perspective and presenting it in a calm fashion.

But trust me on the hand washing.





Edit: It's times like this that I wish I has taken typing in high school. Yes, when I was your age, there was actually a high school class that just taught typing.

[Warren Toda]

Living a boring life and having no friends is finally paying off.


I'm selling Corona Bracelets™. Package of five for $9.99. Buy these and you'll have a 99.9% chance of not getting the virus. Order now, supplies limited. (Not available in Japan)

I'm no expert but this doesn't look good:

We all knew that take-out pizza was an essential service.
Try Domino's new Pandemic Pizza™. Order online and it'll be delivered faster than you can catch a virus.



Is it true that Canadian maple syrup can ward off the virus? Evidence:

1) Not a single maple tree has COVID-19.
2) Maple syrup is a good source of zinc and manganese both of which help strengthen the immune system.

I'm not taking any chances. I've stocked up on maple syrup and for the next few weeks I'll be eating Pandemic Pancakes™.



This must be a telemarketer's dream. For the next few weeks, everyone will be home.

With most people staying home, it's probably a bad time to be in the home burglary business.



The pandemic restrictions imposed by government are an attempt to protect us from ourselves. But unfortunately you can't legislate common sense, you can't outlaw stupidity. This is why we can't have anything nice in this country.

The government is telling folks to stay at home. The government also tells people to stop at red lights, drink in moderation, and don't cheat on your taxes.



I'm looking forward to our town's annual Spring Fiesta this weekend. The weather should be good so I'm expecting a big turnout. Each year I enter either the pie eating or hot dog eating contest. This year they've got something new: bat eating. I'll probably enter, why not, right?



My new app can calculate your Pandemic Perimeter™. That's the size of your safe distance from other people. Just enter your waist size and level of panic.



Why not make everyone in the country wear something like a disc or inflatable tube around their body when they go out in public? Anyone not wearing a Pandemic Platter™ or Social Saucer™ would be immediately shamed on social media - that'll teach'em.

These discs or tubes would come in a variety of colours and patterns and might have a cup holder and food tray. Let's make pandemics fun again.


**Added May 19: I bet you thought I was joking.



Whatever happened to the war in Afghanistan, the war in Yemen, the war in Syria, the nuclear threat from Iran, the nuclear threat from North Korea, the investigation into the downing of flight PS725, the fires in Australia, the imminent economic collapse of Venezuela, Canadian pipeline protests and rail blockades . . .



After Ontario officially shuts down tonight and descends into the darkness, how many media helicopters will be hovering over Toronto trying to spot people in illegal groups? Will reporters check shopping plazas trying to find someone buying or selling non-essential products?



A recent article from John Hopkins University said the best way to catch COVID-19 is by being near an infected someone who's breathing or coughing on you. Catching the virus from a doorknob, tabletop, etc., is less likely but still wash your hands. So social distancing seems to be the key and let's make it fun:

Give everyone a squirt gun loaded with water dyed with Pandemic Pink™. If someone gets too close to you, you let'em have it.

After a few days, if we see someone covered in Pandemic Pink™ from head to toe, we'll immediately know this person is a Virus Viking™ and we should steer clear of them. Forearmed is forewarned.



They say Gordon Lightfoot is writing a new ballad: The Wreck of the Covid Pandemic



When out in public, are you afraid to sneeze for fear of being turned into a Pandemic Pariah™? To protect your social status, reach for our anti-viral Social Savers™ facial tissues.  Now available in large PanicPaks™.

Social Savers™ is a joke and the pictures were Photoshopped but the product is real and sold by Kleenex. I just thought Kleenex needed better marketing




As you might have noticed, I just found the ™ key on my keyboard.


Edit: May 19 - added a link to a CBC story about pandemic tubes.

[Warren Toda]

Is it a coincidence that pandemic includes the word panic? Or to rephrase it, two-thirds of pandemic is panic.


Toronto's pandemic hotline is lighting up with reports that people are using parks. Walking their dogs, playing tennis, having coffees on a park bench. Well we can't have that.

The Pandemic Police are on the case and are now closing parks, taping off playground swings and tying basketball nets closed so a ball can't drop through the hoop. Some other cities across the country have already done this. But Toronto is going one step further and will be putting up signs!


You can tell a lot about a person by what they hoard during a pandemic: frozen foods, large bags of potatoes or rice, boxes of macaroni and cheese, etc.  I saw a guy today with a shopping cart filled only with donuts, breakfast cereal and many bottles of ketchup.  If it wasn't for social distancing, I would've queried the gentleman about his purchasing decisions.



Rock band Rush predicted all of this in their 1982 song "Social Distance": 

Spreading through the fringes of the city
In exponential order
A toilet paper hoarder
In between a viral fear
And panic of the unknown

Social distance –
In the high school halls
In the shopping malls
Conform or be cast out
Social distance –
In the basement bars
In the backs of cars
Be distant or be cast out
Any escape will not hide
The unattractive truth
The virus will continue to spread
like the foolishness of youth



"Dance like no one is watching" has been replaced with "Distance like everyone is infected"



As of December 2019, there are 2.84 million one-person businesses in Canada. Most photographers are included here.

By comparison, as of December 2019, there are 1.31 million multi-person businesses. These are businesses that have at least one paid employee.

Canadian governments tend to ignore one-person businesses. There are no labour laws, discrimination laws, health and safety laws or right to be paid laws that might help these 2.84 million people. The only time Canada sees these 2.84 million people is at income tax time.

However the just announced Canada Emergency Response Benefit (CERB) looks like it may help one-person businesses but we'll have to wait until more details are released.



Canada is making a run for the top ten. As I write this, there are 3,409 cases, or about 9.0 per 100,000 people, or about 0.009% of the population. It's increased about 15X in less than two weeks and more than 3X in three days. This means that your chances of catching the virus have now risen to the same chance as you being hurt falling off a toilet.

Comparison of G7 countries (confirmed cases per 100,000 people):

Japan:         1 per 100,000
Canada:      9 per 100,000
UK:           14 per 100,000
USA:          21 per 100,000
France:      39 per 100,000
Germany:   45 per 100,000
Italy:        123 per 100,000

The Japanese even do pandemic better than us. 




Edit: added a link to Rush for those who may be musically challenged.